Dreamer

Good evening dreamers and happy mid-week!

As I was standing with Ash and playing with his new mouse toy I bought a few hours ago, I realized how lucky I am to be able to manage my living space after my schedule, and also how afraid I was almost two years ago when I first moved alone!

The fantasy of living alone is something we all developed in one way or another as we grew up in households with rules! It was a way to escape it! It was the way we dreamed of escaping the curfew hour, the eating rules and hours, the cleaning times parents imputed, and different things from child to child.

However, there comes a time when the magic happens! To some sooner than later, however, for most, it’s right after college! For me, it was in my first year of PhD when I broke up with my ex, and I found myself after a summer of relationship with 3 weeks to find a place to stay! It was horrible!

Thanks to a friend who knew me better than I imagined, I found a nice one-bedroom, 20 min walk from work! It was perfect, feminine, and quite cheap!

It was all I needed at that point, and I was so afraid to live alone!

I was raised in a full house, then I moved to a college dorm where we were 4 in a room, and then I moved to my ex, with his family! Practically, I haven’t stayed alone for more than a few days!

I had anxiety when the night came and I had to sleep alone, and I was 24!

However, as time passed, the experience made it through and I got used to the “Dream come true”. I got used to paying bills, I got used to cleaning schedules, dancing while cooking, doing laundry that couldn’t be washed in the machine, growing plants in an apartment, with taking out the trash with all the things I managed to escape doing out of commodity!

However, with time I also got used to having the bed only for myself again, watching TV shows when rotting in bed without feeling guilty, with testing recipes without the pressure of really getting something out of it.

I got used not to explaining myself while doing something, got used to dancing my legs off as a workout, having guests no matter the hour, and leaving the house exactly how I felt!

Now, I’m not alone! I am in a relationship, but we don’t live together 7/7 and I also have Ash! He changed my life too! However, I wouldn’t change my moments of quiet time to myself, of showering for 30 minutes at burning skin- temperatures, for signing even if I don’t have a voice, and many other things, to go back to living full time with somebody else!

I love the weekends we get to spend together, and I love the days when I come from work and it’s not only Ash to wait for me. However, I love more the fact that I have this place where I can escape, this place I created and nurtured in my own way, my own style, and my own needs that I call home!

The fact that I had to live alone without a relationship helped me discover myself, discover what I loved and not, what I could handle or not, and how to take proper care of myself! I wouldn’t change the last two years and I encourage every single woman, to live only for a while in her twenties, in order to create healthy boundaries and habits!

This is where I leave you, and I wish you #adreamerlife!
Cristiana Apreutese