So, apparently, I am in the middle of a life crisis. Maybe it is because I am tired, maybe it is the system, but lately, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere like I’m not evolving like everything I do is worthless and I simply want to stay under the covers and sleep all day!
I feel like everything that I do betrays my hopes and dreams, but then I realize that I haven’t actually really dreamed in a while. I said in my previous article, that maybe it’s because someone I really trusted, one of my supervisors put me on my knees and low-key betrayed me and my trust.
Maybe it’s because the system I work in constantly suffocates us with paper after paper after paper and I don’t actually see the result of my work.
Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t really have time for myself, time to be with my family. Maybe it’s the fact that after Grandma died it feels like my family is falling apart. Like I cannot count on anyone anymore.
These days I miss her even more.
Maybe the antisocial part of me wants to go back to the pandemic times, when working from home was mandatory, and that allowed more personal time.
Maybe it’s because I miss my friend and because I know we are over and all my life is only mine, without anyone to share it and to give me advice.
I have a few days off and instead of actually creating content cause I have the opportunity and time, I feel stuck and depressed and I complain on the internet.
I honestly feel like quitting both my Ph.D and my job hiding under a rock and just lying there, but it isn’t an option. Which makes me feel even more like dying.
And if by any chance my therapist sees this article, he probably will think that I wasted his time and my money.
But it’s something even deeper why I am posting this rant here, it’s because we are seeing the world through pink-colored glasses most of the time, thanks to our beloved internet and social media. I think it’s ok from time to time to take a look behind the curtains and to acknowledge that our lives don’t always go as planned, or how we want it…
Discover more from Dreamer
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
