Dreamer

Good evening dreamers! How are you today? Are you sipping margaritas on the beach? Are you exploring new hikes, reading me from the comfort of your house or office?

Today I want to go down the rabbit hole with generational talk. Why, you might ask. Well, not really my niche until now, but I want to explore more the side of mental health and to be able to give you more advice about coping with people around you.

Lately, the concept of generation has become mainstream. We use it in marketing strategies. We use it in day-to-day slang. We use it to explain typical behavior and so much more. But what are these generations?

As I learned in college in my marketing class, we know four generations split in half by the digital era. The first half: Baby boomers (boomers) and Gen X, and the second half: Millenials (Gen Y) and Gen Z. Of course, there are many other theories about how you can split it, but they all revolve around the same idea.

I identify as a millennial, even though I am born in 98, and millennials are until 96. Due to generational retard, Eastern Europeans and other developing countries, who reached technology slower, have a slightly different age gap between generations. My sister, ten years older than me, is a millennial but has some Gen X in her too. My mom is a true Gen X, and my grandparents were Baby boomers. My younger cousins are Gen Z. 

Why am I telling you all this? I want to exemplify the characteristics and how we interact with each other, what triggers each generation, and how conflict can be avoided.

My grandparents were born in the ’30s. They came from large families, with 4 and 7 brothers. They grew up during hunger and communism, and even wars. They didn’t have much and made the most of what they had. Also, they were very religious and had strong values about gender roles. They only had my mom, whom they raised in communism with limited resources and rules. Of course, as any other parent, they wanted the best for her, but the best they knew at the time was strict rules, learning to succeed, and doing housework. 

However, my mom also got the finals of communism and the start of socialism in our country. Unlike my grandmother, she married after her twenties and had two children. At this time, the world was fighting for female rights a lot. The rise of Princess Diana, who got a divorce and showed the world that you can make a difference as a woman, was important. Women had rights. There were many resources, but the access wasn’t that facile. Women had jobs and responsibilities. My mom ended up working a safe 9-5 job at city hall, raising us after my dad passed away. She still is one of the important people in the city hall, even though she retired. Why? She started before the digital era. She knows things, without a computer. She used her brain as a database. She had help from my grandparents. 

As she grew up with rules, she raised us strictly too. However, they weren’t that harsh, and she had access to different things they didn’t have. It was before global warming wasn’t a big deal in our country. Also, it was the time consumerism hit. We were a medium-income family, a single mom raising two daughters. And there were a lot of options for us, but not that much money. She had to work extremely hard, and also worked at home, gardening. She barely spent time with us, maybe doing homework. Also, it was the time you heard more about kidnappings, about murders and, girls were the reason they were raped. So, we had to either avoid the rules or obey them. Result?

I and my sister are high achievers too, with communication problems, not very sociable, and anxiety. Yeah. The millennial disease is anxiety. I don’t plan to vary soon on having children, and my sister married and had hers after 30.

Gen Z is not in my family but in my extended family. I see my cousins, at 10-15 years, who grew up with tablets and phones, who post selfies and pictures we were afraid to post, having boyfriends, knowing about sexual relationships, and living in a world where you can born female and identify as a male (best case scenario). At this point, the generational retard, is so small.

What made the difference? Well, technology! They see in real-time what’s happening in developed areas while we are still developing. They want the things that are out there. The only thing that it’s in between it’s the income which is still medium.

Right now, there is information everywhere you look. You searched for generations, and this article popped out. Starting with Gen Z, all the next generations have full access to technology, while the past generations come from eras where technology meant only color Tv, flip phones, and fax.

How does it affect families and relationships? 

Being raised in different times, with different resources and values, gives different perspectives to each one. We have to think that humans, although designed to evolve, are very stubborn when it comes to change. We are resilient, no matter if the change is to our benefit or not. So quick example: I don’t care if it’s proven that mom jeans allow the blood flow to do its job, I grew up in an era where skinny jeans were everything, and I want skinny jeans in stores until I die. 

Or another example: My grandparents knew only women and men, marriage between only women and men. If it was to go home with a girl, a priest was about to come. I was going to be punished and married to a man ASAP. In my mom’s opinion, it was a shame, I wasn’t allowed, but maybe, just maybe, she was more understanding. Why? Because the stories about gay people started to appear in her teenage years, blamed but existed. Me, if my nieces come to me: “Well if you think it’s the best, just your business”. My cousins on the other hand will be “Go girl, be happy, I’m happy for you!”

Who is right in any of these cases? Everyone thinks they are! And from here comes conflict! And as promised at the begging of the article, how can we avoid it? Firstly by knowing a few things:

• Humans are stubborn;
• We all love to be right;
• We all are right based on what we know at a certain point;
• Everyone is allowed to have different values, and generations have different values;
• We are resilient to change;
• Each of us KNOW BETTER;
• Families care for each other, even if it doesn’t look like;
• Times change.

Now that we talked about these things, that we need to have in mind all the time, here are the tricks we can use to create a more harmonious atmosphere in our house:

• Being right in an argument is worth a whole evening or week? As long as you know your truth, don’t bother to explain it the second time. Say you are wrong, and move on.
• Values don’t change in an argument, try to explain your point of you nicely and also try to get in the middle with it.
• We are resilient to change, don’t try to convince someone to change if they don’t want to. However, communicate how it will impact your relationship.
• Add limits. You tried conversation, and it didn’t work. Add limits. To conversation, to actions.
• Try the middle way. Not black, not white. Grey!
• Politics and religion are also values. You waste your time going down that rabbit hole.
• It’s easier to convince someone to do something by provoking them. Tell me not to do something, and I will. This is why people told they fail college are business owners (with traumas but business owners). Do it respectfully and you might get your grandparents and parents to do things for their health for example.

These are only a few examples, and I went down the rabbit hole a bit too much. However, I hope you find the information understandable and that you’ll use it to reduce the drama in your family, this generational gap is causing.

Until next time, have #adreamerlife,

Cristiana Apreutese